Thursday, March 22, 2012

Be my baby.

I'll never forget the exact moment we found out we were having a boy. A wave of relief surged through me as those words were announced .I laughed and cried at my husband because I knew how badly he wanted a son. What I didn't know, is how badly I did.

It was never that we wouldn't have been completely over the moon with the news of another daughter. Two daughters would have been beautiful, but I feel, for us, what we needed, what we craved was our son. Our Buddy. He was what our family needed to feel complete and to give me, as a mother, the sense that I could wonder no longer. He helps define who we are. This little boy is magic. He is our balance. I could watch him, stare at his profile, for a hundred years without blinking. He has captivated his mama (and Daddy) since the day he came into this world. Three years has not been enough time to handle all of the cuteness. I know "cute" is typically such a cliche word, but I swear it describes this baby boy perfectly. Cuteness abounds in everything this boy does. I mean, he says he wants to be a coyote when he grows up. Could anything be cuter? I think not. A coyote. Adorable. Some days he says he's a "bibi" and other days he tells me he's a big "buh". Every single time I think about how my baby is becoming a boy, my eyes well up. I have to clench my teeth together so that my lip won't quiver. Never will I feel like I'm ready for him to be three, or four, or whatever ungodly age he turns each year. He is forever a baby. My baby. My boy that I had no idea I dreamed about. He will forever win me over with his kisses, the magnificent messes, how he tells me he "dubs" me, and his beautiful, wild imagination. The boy can literally pretend his hand is a spaceship and play with it for an hour. He is overly sensitive, loves animals and babies, and says hello to every single person he sees. He is a homebody, loves "moodie night", and loves to laugh. His tender heart will forever keep him sweet, and his mama will forever love him more than anyone in this whole, big world.

I pulled some of MY favorite pictures that show some of HIS favorite things.


Riding the zoo choo choo.

Loving on his big sister.

Playing outside.

Celebrating his birt-day. He asks if it's his birt-day about every three days.



Family times.


Eating hee-hee.


Going to "the big city where Daddy works."

Loving on babies.

Using his imagination.

Speech therapy.

Art projects.

Being sweet.

NOT being potty trained. Or anywhere NEAR potty trained.

Movie de-ate-rrrrr.

Dressing up?

Crafts and holidays!

Being funny and making mama laugh.

Breaking his mama's heart by being SO BIG.

Being okay with who he is. ie) Playing in a friend's yard wearing a pink helmet with his shoes on the wrong feet. Play on, playa.

Hot dog men.

Letting sister dress him. Bless his heart.

Tyler... You stole mama's heart the minute I met you. I know I will never, ever get it back because you hold it in your own heart. We are one. You help piece me together and give me the love I never knew I needed. But, now that I know you, my son, I know I will never be able to live one day without you. You are the light, the wonder, the reason that mama is able to know what a son's love feels like. I love you more than you will ever imagine. You and your sister give me hope. You each give me a love that I will never be able to repay you for, but I know you'd never ask me to. I hope you always know you are exactly what I hoped for, exactly what any friend, or sister, or teacher, or daddy would ever want. You are wonderful. Never, ever let anyone let you wonder. Just be you. I love you, God loves you, and I want you to love you. You still let me hold your hand, you ask me to play with you, you want to sleep in my bed, you still come to me when you are sad or hurt, and you let me love on you. Please, promise, to give me as long as you possibly can with these things. I already miss them, just like I miss you as a tiny baby because I know this time is so short. But know that I relish in it. Not a day goes by that I don't hold you, pray for you, and love on you so that you feel just how much you mean to me. You have big plans, love. I can't wait to see what they are, but for now, for a while longer, just be my baby.

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