This week I did not.

This week I most certainly DID NOT do the following things:

Wipe my entire face with nail polish remover instead of toner.
Drive my daughter to the wrong preschool. You know, the one she attended LAST year.
Look in the refrigerator for my day planner. 
Eat two hot dogs, a caramel apple, caramel corn, and a giant pickle for lunch at a ranch on Saturday. THAT would be embarrassing.
Spend an hour watching a wiggly cocoon hoping a butterfly would come out.
Play the app on my phone called "Hair Plucker" for an extended amount of time.
Drop the kids' pumpkin on my own neck.
Scream when a plastic golf ball rolled across the floor because I thought it was a mouse. You know, 'cause mice and golf balls look alike.

Okay, maybe I did do these things.