the anxious mother: May 2012

Cupcakes just scream "celebration!" in our house.

And celebrate we did.

We broke out our vintage cake stand.

Whipped up a bunch of beauties.

Added the meticulous details so they were just so.

Did a cheers!

And we were ready.

Well, she was ready.

The last day of preschool had arrived. She rose two hours before school started. She whispered, "Mama, is it time?" She got dressed, we braided her hair, I made her lunch, and as I poured her yogurt, I felt it. A huge lump formed in my throat and surprised me. I didn't even know I was sad. I ran outside with my phone because I knew if I looked at her, I would lose it. I called Mike. No answer. I called my sister in law. I lost it. Sobs. Mike called me back. More sobbing.

I couldn't help but think a little piece of her was leaving.

But then, I focused on where she was going as she left. She was walking into a world of friends. A world of learning new things. A world of independence. And those are great places to go.

And she is pleased.

And she knows Jesus is with her wherever she may go.

So I am pleased too.

As she graduated from preschool, we celebrated.

We focused on new school traditions. New ways to carry memories from year to year.

To write our story.

Her story.

The story, so far, includes cupcakes, pictures on the porch, window writing, after school cheeseburgers, Oh! The Places You Will Go teacher signatures in her special book.

Some time together outside to welcome summer!

A few balloons!

Sun.

Family.

Our story will always evolve with each school year.

We will learn as we go.

But as we celebrate throughout this first chapter,

We will beam.

And bring flowers.

And cheer on the little girl in the stripes who fills ours lives like no other girl ever could.

Our eyes will lock onto her.

Yes, there were many, many beautiful little babies on that stage that night. But, I saw one. The one I dreamed of before I knew her. She is captivating. She is beautiful. And she is more than I deserve.

This girl is pure sunshine.

She is so, so loved.

May, 23, 2012. She walked across the stage of the preschool and scooped up her diploma.

Her family watched.

They love her so well.

And, so we celebrated.

Together.

And surrounded her with happiness.

Because she is now a KINDERGARTENER! and because she is our everything.

Regan, sweetheart, you are outdoing yourself each day. You. are. magic.

So, I still have a bunch of reader's questions to tackle, and I'm taking sooooo long. I felt like I had to come up with really insightful responses in order to be attentive and thorough. Instead, I have decided to just answer the dag gone things. So, here's three quickies.

-How do you remain so positive all the time being a full time mom? I'm not one yet but being a teacher I know it can be tiring, stressful, and overwhelming. You always have a smile on your face and inspire me. How do you do it?

Umm, well, thank you. But, I am not positive all the time. Actually, quite a bit I decide to be a human and be really negative, and impatient, and a real pain. Everyone has a light in them, and everyone has darkness. I choose, whenever I possibly can, to shine the light. But, in NO WAY does that mean I'm full of sun rays and unicorn dust. It's just a choice each moment on how to react. I am very conscious these days to choose light so that my kids can see that life is fun, full, and satisfying if you let it be.

-What would be the first reaction if one your children told you they thought they were gay?

I''ll just keep on loving those kids. I can not predict who my children love. I can not predict if or when they will get married or have babies of their own. What I can predict that I will love those two children something fierce until the end of time. The only thing they will ever need to do to keep their mother happy is to keep themselves happy. No matter what choice they make for themselves as they grow, as long as it is for them and truly feels right, I'm on board. My love is unwavering, it is not conditional, and will certainly never change.

-What album do you daydream to?

I wouldn't really consider myself a daydreamer, but some of the first stations I choose on Pandora are The Avett Brothers, Jamie Cullum, Guster, Jason Mraz, Lady Antebellum, Josh Turner, Ray LaMontage, and The Band Perry.

I want to say thank you so much for all of the feedback from last night's post titled "Proceed Without Caution." One particular text I received showed me that some folks really do have the courage to be encouraging. I really hope she doesn't mind that I share. It was the best text I've ever seen. It read, "Just read your newest blog post. Made me feel like throwing my hands in the air and scream, "F#*K Yeah!"

If that isn't encouragement, I just don't know what is. I'm trying to reach people. Reach out to tell a story. Not because I have anything someone else doesn't... Whatever it is, I really don't need a pat on the back for anything I do, but dang it feels good to rally the troops to live the shit out of life. So, thanks guys. Really.

Today we packed up to see my itty bitty princess of a niece perform her end of the school year songs. She's the gorgeous one in front.And, sitting up front watching her are some of my other favorite small people.

And, the smallest favorite, G.

These cousins are hands down the most loving, adorable group of babies I ever did know.

My two loves.

And then, my sister in law took all of us out for pizza. She just made our day with that surprise.

Next we were off to some home improvement stores to grab some items to pimp out the back patio.

A lovely lady instructed me not to let the kids ride on the flatbed cart and told them not to be so loud. Twice... in the most condescending way she could muster. In my mind I said, "Thank you so much for caring about my children's' safety and noise levels more than I do. I really love when 80 year old ladies teach me about parenting while rolling their eyes. I'm sure nothing has changed since you birthed YOUR children 60 years ago. Now ~~run~~ hobble along and get back to your petunias."