I've had several talks this week with a few different, powerful moving forces in my life that have helped me decide that I am capable of more. I don't feel like I'm alone in thinking about big plans for myself, and then in the very next moment shooting them down because surely I don't qualify as influential or important enough to say big things, do big things, or fully take on big projects. That behavior kind of goes along the lines of the "who knows if it's really true" fact that we only use 10% of our brains each day. I'm discovering that people all around me are using only a small percentage of themselves. And I am most certainly one of them. Everyday I feel like I have a million ideas, and posts, and things to try, and people to reach, and trials to test, but choose not to because surely others would think I was too ordinary to share anything that may really matter. The thing is, it's not a self esteem issue. It's not cry for help. What I'm realizing is I'm just not using this life I've been given to it's potential. To my potential. I always wondered who would want a white, middle class mother rambling on thinking she's got some answers? Well, folks, it seems a lot of people want this. You see, every person needs another person. They need their stories, their testimonies, their successes, their views to help them along. To see the world through another lens. To understand themselves in a way that may not have otherwise revealed itself. Each of us can be this for another person. But, none of us can move forward if we tell ourselves we aren't enough.
Done are the days of saying no to myself. Done are the posts that I don't publish because someone may read into my thoughts too much or not enough. I will allow myself to share what I know, however little or big it may seem. Living boldly and lively outright are what I teach my children. It's what I hope everyone is able to do daily while I sit on top of my bigger plans and wait. Done. Saying no to myself is no longer acceptable. With this, I will continue to encourage others to join me. What is it that you want to do, but haven't allowed yourself the chance? How many days have you let slip by focusing on what you are today instead of what you could be tomorrow? What and who are you scared of?
About a week ago I got a response to a blog post that was less than encouraging. I'm pretty sure the reader saw my words as unauthentic, too sugar coated. I thought and thought about that reaction, while I ignored the texts and emails and words to encouragement that came along. I focused on the negative and downplayed the positive. It's just so easy to do. I was critical of what I shared. It made me hesitate. I've also been called out on being "too happy." Others want to see and hear and know about the bad days, the tantrums, the self-loathing. Well, dang. What I was hoping is all of that would be implied. I'm alive, right? Of course there are really bad days. Of course I lose my cool, and say dumb stuff, and overreact, and under react, and let myself and others down. So, why not include that in the blog, cry about it to strangers on the corner, or shine that dim little light around? Because I get to choose. Every single person, no matter where they are or what stage they're in has the power to choose to be happier. And you know what? I didn't know that for a really long time. I was really busy for a lot of years wondering whose job it was to make me feel good. And, as soon as I figured out that not a damn person on this planet could do it for me, I looked up. I saw something so much bigger. I saw that being "too happy" is bullshit. Lots and lots of people are going to not understand you. Live bigger. Lots and lots of people are going to tell you life is mean, and scary, and negative. Love them bigger. And more people than not aren't going to believe in you the way you need to be believed in. And that is where you step in and believe in yourself. You proceed without caution and quit telling yourself no. Say yes and go.
"Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that
you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can
accomplish! And what your potential is!" -Anne Frank