From a mama.

Last night, I posted on my Facebook wall that we struggled yesterday. It was one of those days that just didn't feel right, it didn't look right, and it ended with tears, early bedtimes and regret. The Facebook post, I believe, touched a few mamas who were feeling overworked, under appreciated, and questioning each and every one of their mama moves that day. I got texts, and private messages, and even a call saying, "I needed to hear that you struggled, because so did I."
It's just so easy to assume we're never doing enough, or the right thing, or that surely we're ruining these precious gifts we've been given and making a mess of it all. The thing of it is that we're not alone, we're actually all together. We're all rocking the screaming baby wishing it would maybe just disappear for a few minutes. We're all reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" for the millionth time wishing we were somewhere, anywhere else. We all are covered in spit up, have been wearing the same pants as we were yesterday, and wondering if this is as good as it gets. We feel trapped sometimes because THEY ARE ALWAYS HERE ASKING ME FOR MILK! We feel like we are missing out on something more because surely someone out there has a cleaner house, less laundry, happier kids, more crafts, more important jobs, sexier marriages, and less oily hair. But, it's just not true. We are all the same. We dust, and yell, and lose our patience, and drive to practices, and have oily hair because we love. We love so deep it hurts. God, it hurts. We matter. We're doing a job that no one else in the world could do. Even if it's messy, and ugly, and sad some days, the bigger picture is beautiful.
Mamas, we're all doing our best. All of our "bests" look different. Love isn't about what it looks like, it's about what it feels like so forget about keeping up with your neighbor. Build her up because you never know... behind her smile and put togetherness, she probably feels just the way you do. Love creates that bond, and that's just what we do. We love.

From one mama to the next, you're doing awesome. Keep it up. And Regan, if one day you read this and wonder if it's okay to feel like you're failing at motherhood some days, or saying "No" too much, or don't have it together as much as you had hoped you would, please know that it just feels that way sometimes to remind you of the other moments that don't feel that way. You're doing it right. I promise.

Things I heard today.

"I'm not kidding you, I'm just mocking you."
"Look Sissy, I only have one nipple."
"Can we take a sock bath?"
"Mommy, why do you eat so much?"
"Mommy, do some women shave their face 'cause I think I'm gonna be one of them if they do?"
"Is this yogurt organic?"
"Buddy, we need to have a no fight policy."

 

"Mommy, did you do Wacky Wednesday at school when you were young? If not, that's just sad."
"What time is tumbling? I have GOT to cut my fingernails before we go!"
"Can we cuddle and watch toon toons?"
"If you give the magic look, you'll get what you want."
"I'll wash your back, but you have to wash your own butt."
"You hit me right in the peanuts!"
"What do ants eat?"
"Why is Dr. Seuss so scary looking if he's for kids? That's not appropriate."

25,000.

I hesitated to write this post. You know....because the people who aren't on my team could think it sounded too showy, or silly, or self-promoting. But, I'm learning to simply ignore the people who aren't on my team. So, I'm going to say it... My blog hit 25,000 visitors last night. Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't think this more important than it is. Some blogs have millions of visitors everyday, and some have more important goals, and many, many people don't even know what a blog is and don't give two rips about them. But, to me, they are important. Mine is important and whether 25,000 hits were accidental or not, it means that a whole lot of times, various people wanted to hear what I had to say. I hope our story and my words have helped encourage, motivate, or connect.

I used to say I blogged because I was the author of our story, and if it wasn't written down it would begin to fade away. Well, throughout blogging, and living, and learning a few things, I still wholeheartedly believe it's important to keep a record of who you are, what you think about, and what's important to you. Every person, no matter what, has a story to tell. But, my tune has changed about being the author of our story. Our story was written a long, long time ago. I am not the author, I am simply the writer. I want my children to know that our God has our plan. He is our guide. Many times in the past, I've said that I am in charge of creating a beautiful story for my children to someday tell. Damn does it take a lot of pressure off of me to know that I'm not actually in charge of all that. My children's creator will handle that for me. I simply will do my best along the way and write about it as it comes. I will write so that they can look back and know how loved they always were. I will also write so that other's can stop by and take a peek. I think telling your story connects people. It says,"Hey, I'm feeling this way... Anyone else?" I want my words to inspire, not because I 'm anyone to get too excited about, but because I sometimes think my ideas can reflect how God works in me.

I could go on and on about how much your words of encouragement about my little corner of the Internet have meant. I've been brought to tears when a mama sends a message just to say thanks for the laugh or the encouragement to face the day. I think my favorite message to date said, "I was going to sit around today and yell at my kids, feed them cereal for lunch, and complain about laundry, but you made me feel like I should probably take to them the museum instead." While this text was hilarious, I think there's a very real truth to it. We look to other's (and to Him) for motivation and inspiration.

I know who I am. I'm just a mom who writes about nothing too big. I'm a mom who loves her kids something fierce. I'm a mom who fails, but tries. I'm a friend, and an aunt, and a wife, and a sister, and a daughter who sometimes fails, but tries. And, I know, these things are no different than all the other ladies who are all of these things too. That just proves that we all have a story worth telling. Mostly, I just want to thank you for listening.

Just 20 things.

1. We're having chicken fajitas for dinner tonight, and I've been thinking about them since breakfast.
2. I have been to more movies in the past few months than I have in the past five years.
3. Regan and I are both completely obsessed with Bruno Mars' new song, "When I Was Your Man."
4. I bought a bottle of B12 vitamins. I'm pretty sure I'd eat staples if they promised energy.
5. At the current rate, my hair is going to be completely grey by July.
6. We have walls in the house now.
7. Regan asked me today why the weather people don't "predict rainbows." I totally think they should.
8. Tyler is very much into break dancing lately. He puts on shows and uses props.
9. My laundry is so out of control. So, so out of control.
10. Regan's foot is a size 12. Tyler's is an 11.5. How in the world?
11. I am feeling very secure with who wants to be a part of my life and who doesn't.
12. I am now pouring my energies, time, and love into the people who deserve them. No one else.
13. I think I want blond hair again.
14. I need to stop drinking Coke. Again.
15. Regan has spring pictures tomorrow. Did you hear that? Spring is coming!!
16. G.G. and I are taking Regan to see the play "Pinkalicious" on Saturday.
17. I need new tennis shoes. And underwear.
18. Both kids start baseball soon. This gives me much joy. I LOVE watching my babies play!
19. Even though they are delicious, I can no longer eat Fiber One bars. Ever again. If you've ever had one, you'll understand why.
20. I just got a call from school. They called a two hour delay for tomorrow which means wine time. So, bye.

A new kind of love.

Valentine's Day has come and gone. As always, I hoped to create a day for my babies that was full of surprise, tradition, and magic. I knowingly get carried away and worry that I'm not delivering. In a world of Pinterest and room moms and Lexapro and 5 Hour Energy drinks and MORE, MORE, MORE, I worry that my best isn't enough. Honestly, in my mind and in my heart, I fear that the kids won't feel like I did enough to love, and create memories, or help them learn the lessons they need. It's easy to feel like enough is never enough. But, you guys, I'm realizing after a long, long time, that my kids don't need perfection. Actually, the more I try to make things "just right," the more anxious I am, and the unhappier I am. (Did it really take me more than two minutes to learn this?) And, if you want a happy child, be a happy mom. So, what does a happy mom even look like?

To me, she looks relaxed and balanced. She isn't sitting at the table by herself with glitter and a hot glue gun trying to make homemade valentine's cards FOR her kids while they are off doing something else. She isn't sitting at the computer or looking at her phone while her kids are playing alone. (GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND PHONE ALREADY!) She speaks to her kids with kindness. She builds her children up by speaking softly, slowly, and with respect. She gives her children time. She is loving and patient. A mom's job isn't to craft, or pin, or make oragami owls, or keep a perfect house, or buy extravagant gifts or clothes, or feed five course vegan meals. It simply is to love. So, this year, we bought Barbie and bug Valentine's Day cards from Target. (The horror!) We didn't make Valentine cupcakes, or any fancy cupid crafts, or buy any new Vanetine shirts. We cut out the extras.

I showed up at both kid's schools for their parties. I gave them my time. We ate pancakes for lunch and celebrated at Dairy Queen for family date night. And you know what? Those kids loved every damn minute. I'm pretty sure it had a bit to do with the fact that I wasn't scrambling around trying to create my vision of the perfect holiday. I focused more on them than what the day "should" look like.  I don't think they were too disappointed. :)

Monster Jam

 

Questions and Answers: Monster Jam Edition

 

Q: "Mommy, when will the trucks start wreckin'?"

A: "When the time trials are finished."



Q: "What are time trials?"
A: "The races at the beginning to see which truck is the fastest."

Q: "Well, aren't they all fast since they all have monsters in them?"
A: "Yes, but it's fun to see who's the fastest."

Q: "Mama, why does that man have a kid shirt on?"
A: "It's not a kid shirt, some grown ups just really like "The Gravedigger."

Q: "Well, why doesn't Daddy have that shirt? Doesn't he like monster trucks?"
A: "Probably not as much as the guy in The Gravedigger t-shirt."

Q: "Mama, why does that lady have three bellies?"
A: "Those aren't all bellies. BE QUIET!!!!"



Q: "Can I have a pack of the ($15) cotton candy?"
A: "Sure." (Before I knew that it was $15!!! That answer would have been different had I known.)

Q: "Why does it smell like pee in here?"
A: "Because the 14 year old sitting right next to us peed his pants, and now it's under my seat."

Q: "Why is that lady screaming at that truck?"
A: "She must love trucks even more than you."

Q: "Can we come back every year?
A: "Sure, kid. I'm glad you loved it."

Time.

 

I constantly remind myself that I am the author of our story, both literally (as I write this blog) and figuratively (as I help create memories and traditions that will be remembered and passed down). The job of writing, planning, and telling our story is sometimes overwhelming. But, what it offers me is the chance to evaluate how we spend our time, what we value, what we cherish, and what we can do without. Each day is a chance to create a piece of the story that's worth telling. What I've noticed lately is that a lot of extras can be cut from our days. I am finding that easy home days are often much better than busy play days. My babies are still young so all they still really need is for us to read with them, get on the floor and pretend with them, and to show them that simple fun is the best fun. So, suddenly "time" isn't quite as hard to find and more meaningful minutes are being spent. I've been asking, "It this worth my time? Am I willing to trade moments I cherish for this?" If the answer isn't clear, we don't do it. Suddenly, the day turns itself around. I have time to write, and read, and play, and see my family, and plan, and connect with the people who mean the most. Even my snapshots throughout the day are telling a different, slower kind of story.



 

 

 

I suppose what it all comes down to is this:
How we spend our time shows what we value.
So does who we spend our time with.
Use it wisely.
Pick your people wisely.

Time this week has been spent on:

Being adorable and girly.

 Grocery shopping with my three kids.

 Being adorable and girly.

 Loving on babies.

 Being adorable and girly.

 Getting haircuts.

 Writing books for Daddy's upcoming birthday.

And stepping it up a notch in the house planning...because it's true!! Someday soon, we're actually going to live there!

 

 

As I continue to make my way through the rest of this week, I will remember. This time is mine. I am in charge of it, and no one can take it from me unless I let them. I will protect it, use it wisely, and fill it with goodness.