Tips on how not to suck.

A few tips on how not to suck:

Do not call a shirt a blouse. Even if it's a fancy shirt, or a button up, or a tucked in shirt, or an expensive shirt. It's still not allowed to be called a blouse.

Do not wear snow boots unless it is currently snowing. It doesn't count if it snowed a week ago. Wear your Uggs. Or tennis shoes. Snow boots are nerdy. Yeah, I said it. Please do not dress like Napoleon Dynamite.

Do not clip your fingernails anywhere in public. Unless you want me to come throw up on you. It's freaking disgusting.

Do not play on the equipment at an open gym, bounce place, mall, or any other type of facility that is intended for young people. Yes, you may play WITH your child, but do not embarrass yourself and do flips into the foam pit while at open gym. Especially when kids are waiting for YOU to finish YOUR turn so they can play.

Do not say, "SOMEBODY needs a nap!" when my kid is screaming in the cart at Target. Ever. It's irritating.

Do not get lip fillers.

Do not offer me money for "my rims" at the gas station. Even if you do think they are "tight" and "bad ass." They are connected to the car I am driving, and they are not for sale.